I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just googled if crying burns calories
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Houston, we have a blender
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
