The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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