When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You have to summon your inner elephant
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
tell me about the fingering
Randomize