There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i would punch a child for taco bell
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
