so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
