Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
