just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If I die, sorry about rent.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
