I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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