Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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