Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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