you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
