He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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