You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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