Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
