god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
