Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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