what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
