oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
