You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
