My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
