You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you never un-have a 4some
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
