Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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