The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
