Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
don't judge my taste in strippers
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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