Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
