Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
