You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
