Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
