I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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