Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize