I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Soap is not a condiment
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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