I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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