Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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