a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
