who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
