Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
