I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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