You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
