this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
