He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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