I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Someone signed my nipple.
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