Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
