Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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