Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
