Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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