My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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