Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
