I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
