you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
