You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
