as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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