I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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