I am puke
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
