And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
