if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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