It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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