If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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