yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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