i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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