That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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